1 Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins (1964)
The transitory nature of theatrical performances means that even the most abominable stage accents tend to be forgotten as the years pass. Film, of course, is another matter - so, as she prepares to adopt a London twang for her Eliza Doolittle on Broadway, Claire Danes will have to look to past movies for lessons in How Not To Do It, and above all to the Godfather of awful East Enders, Dick Van Dyke.
It feels so predictable to have him at number one, but there's just no way round it: the Missouri-born actor's stab at cockney remains the most extra-terrestrial accent ever committed to film - not English, not American, but something from another dimension.
He delivered such immortal lines as " 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, 'eavy weather brewin' at number 17 and no mistake" very much like a Clanger on crack.
Bonus points for the title of the article: "Irritable vowels".
Time elapsed since Mary Poppins premiere:
43 years, 9 days.
Time elapsed since last complaint spotted in British media: